Lost And Found

Whoa. It's been a while since I, creator of this space have actually written words for said space. Actually, I do have a few posts here and there written, but I haven't actually sat down with my laptop in a while. I am trying to take it out a lot more to hopefully provoke the urge to finally post something. I give a lot of credit to Angie and my fellow Book Broads for motivating me to keep this place going. Seriously, thank you! Angie has been writing a whole bunch and I so greatly appreciate her taking the time to create for this space. She also kicked my butt into gear into renewing my URL. So cheers to another year of the blathering broad(s). Erika is busy with school and being a lovely rat mom (go, Erika! crush school and do the things!). Our gal, Portia has her own blogging space, Sequin Books. I'm all for people beginning their own blogs. In fact, at the end of this post, I'll add a couple I'm grooving on lately.

Since last I wrote, I have gotten married! Matt and I have been together nearly six years so it's not different, except there's paperwork involved (lol) No, I love the man to pieces and I'm so excited about spending the rest of our lives together. Post wedding, we took a little road trip to Knoxville, Tennessee, which was really cool. I don't know if I have necessarily discussed it here on the blog, but I have kind of lost my will to take photographs. That sounds terrible. I still snap pictures with my phone. I'm looking to downsize my camera system from a DSLR to a more portable mirrorless camera. I'm trying to re-introduce myself to my love of images. I don't know where that spark went. I felt it dwindling a couple years ago, but I was struggling to hold on. Admitting it feels a lot better. I'm working on it. I am at least still expressing myself in one way or another.

I'm sure I've mentioned previously that I've taken up hula hooping. Hula hooping is more than just rotations around your waist, but a form of expression. Lately, I've discovered the "nerdy" side of flow-- tech! There's grids and geometry and mind-boggling things. I'm loving this form of expression. I'm sponsored by my favorite shop, Third Eye Colorado. Our team is more than just a bunch of sponsored hoopers, but we're family. I've met a lot of folks through the community and so grateful for it allowing me to come out of my shell a bit. Here is my latest video. I have also taken up two hoops and fire spinning with fire fans. I'll have to create a video of that soon :)

Slowly but surely, I am also getting back to reading. I've been reading short stories (like super short, like flash fiction) and poetry to ease myself back into getting fully immersed in a book. I can't wait. So that's it. I'm going to try to rekindle my love for images, explore different writing subjects, continue hula hooping, and sharing books that interest me. Stick around for a bit. Oh, and as promised, here's a few blogs I'm digging:
+ From Babies to Bourbon
+ Home With Willow
+ The Larson House
+ Good Bones Blog

what are you?

From a very young age, I was made aware that I was different; not different in how we are all unique, different because of the names I was called (spic, pork chop, monkey), questions I was asked. I heard,"What are you?" so often before the age of ten, I began to believe I was an alien.

At thirteen, my bus mate and I were questioned by the police as to why we were walking in our neighborhood that afternoon. Why two brown girls with our backpacks bursting with books seemed like a threat to those two officers, I will never know. But I knew they could see me as I opened the gate to my yard (my friend lived a block over). As we were questioned, I remembered our social studies teacher taugt up about out Fourth Amendment Right. Luckily, my knowledge wasn't needed during this encounter, but my heart remained in my throat until they pulled away five minutes later.

That same year, we were assigned to read Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin. We read this after Maus, a graphic novel that depicts Spiegelman interviewing his father about his experience as a Polish Jew & Holocaust survivor. We were well acquainted with atrocities inflicted upon those deemed different and not human. With out reading of Black Life Me came project that remins one of the most powerful things I have seen from thirteen year old.

Essentially, we were to create situations within society similar to how John made himself black. I'd like to note that NO BLACKFACE was involved. All projects were subject to teacher approval. Some folks partnered with other races for their own experiment of treatment of blacks vs treatment of whites. One gal even when to the mall with a pillow to see the stigmas black teen mothers are faced with. It emotionally effected her so much that she had the class in tears.

Everyone was deeply affected by their projects. At thirteen, how do you grapple with the fact that there has been no progress in the years since John Howard Griffin wrote the book? As we grew older, we began to experience those injustices directed at us. The most vile, racial epithets lobbed at our athletes when we visited more rural areas. They wanted to intimidated the "city kids," yet it fueled our beast mode and proved on the court/field/track that we can and will rise above the bullshit. Plus, we didn't need to resort to bigotry and intolerance. At 16, we were well acquainted with the DWB-- Drive While Brown/Black. It's when you get pulled over in a predominantly white neighborhood for bullshit reasons:

tail light is out

what are you ladies doing out here?

did you know your right headlight is out?

where you going in such a rush?

just checking to make sure things are alright.

Alright? That my car is my own? That I want to go home after a long work day? Unless I am straight up running people over, there's never been a real reason for me to be pulled over. I worked in a predominantly white shopping mall for many years and was subjected to some awful microaggressions. White colleagues would try to say,"maybe they didn't mean it that way," or "you're overreacting." but having lived this experience as a woman of color, I'm pretty sure I know when microaggressions are being lobbed at me, no matter how passive aggressive.

So, what was the point of me rambling on about all of these things? From a young age, I have been made to feel other, not only in society at large, but also within my familial circle. Because I don't eat beans and am shy to speak Spanish, I'm deemed "not Puerto Rican" enough, although coquito runs through these veins. My heart aches and breaks constantly as I read the news and the bullshit regarding the lack of aid to Puerto Rico. I'm not surprised by the lack of help given to mi gente. I just wish other Americans realized puertorriqueños son su gente tambien and stop believing the lies of 45.

please consider donating here (Hurrican Relief Fund for Puerto Rican) or here (Hispanic Federation). Anything you can do to help can make a huge difference.

free write friday • that new new

Since I have the book broads helping me to cover excellent book content for this old blog, I'm not terribly sure where I fit in outside of book broad-dom. Well, I wanted to try something a little bit different-- free write friday. It will entail me just blathering about little things about my week (so hopefully less of that on every post) and sharing snapshots from the week. I think it would also be cool to link up some interesting articles I have encountered. This literally just came to me so I don't have any links at the current writing, but if you check back later in the evening, I will link you to some fun shit!

I'm excited again about this blog. I feel people have moved past blogging to podcasts. As I hate my voice and don't have anything interesting to podcast about, I think sticking with my blog is my best bet. It's not something I ever plan on monetizing. It's an exercise in writing and sharing with like minded folk that would like to read my words, along with others.

Okay, so about my week-- it was kind of crummy. I was sick for the majority of it. Everyone is moving and so I'm just a solitary chump. Laura is moving to Seattle and I'm so sad. I wept for an entire day, but I'm glad she's a plan ride away. I love my boo boo. Mary is moving, but not too far. It's crazy how right now, it feels as though everyone is moving. Things are changing. It's definitely spring.

book broads

I decided to enlist some of my friends who are definitely more avid reads than I am these days. I wanted to still keep a book component, but didn't want to delve into stale topics. So I enlisted some other broads to be part of the Nerd Phone Chain Book Corner. We all became friends when we worked together at a book store. As we've been away from that place for about two years, we've developed a group chat dubbed Nerd Phone Chain (NPC). We're drawn together by our love of books, quirky humor, old fashioneds, fried cheese, and our pets. Also, I love them ❤️ I will be introducing them once we get their photos situated, but for now, I wanted to write a little bit on why I have been a terrible reader lately.

When I worked at the book store, I tore through books as though we were running out of books. Essentially, there were too many books and I wanted them all. Hell, I still want them all. Matt and I have shelves and bins of books we have yet to read, not to mention we read each other's books. I think it's safe to say I love books. I love talking about them and I'd love to write someday. But things have shifted and I don't read as often as I do.

I began a new job almost two years ago at a small local natural food grocery. I still hung onto reading then, but I recall a depressive episode completely sidelined any and all of my interests. I watched a playlist of Jimmy Fallon playing games with his guests to make myself laugh. I was buried deep in the depressive darkness. It's hard to get back into a book that you abandoned during that episode, no matter how much you wanted to finish it. Things seemed to decline from there.

I would pick up a book, get half way, and put it back on the shelf. I continued buying books that I hoped would intrigue me. Only a couple managed to make me to feel like to voracious reader I once was-- Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng; Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl by Carrie Brownstein; The Girls by Emma Cline; The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron; Will You Please Be Quiet Please? by Raymond Carter. Lots of starting and stopping books. I don't know. I just became preoccupied by work and other hobbies. But, that's about to change.

I'm in the middle of reading South and West by Joan Didion. It will be my first contribution for the NPCBC. I look forward to it and to sharing the brilliant minds of my fellow book broads.

reflecting

I'm still lacking direction here, but I just wanted to say that no matter what, I will be here to stay. Given the state of the world, the proposed cuts to the arts, I feel as though keeping a photography/writing/art based page can serve a greater good. I'm reminded of a few words of wise advice:

support artists and the arts. they want us to stop dreaming and more importantly, artists have always led that fight and need your support now more than ever before.

Now more than ever, it is important to create and think and dream. For those with anxious minds, we're constantly running our brains. The running can turn into tangible things and coherent ideas. Never stop thinking and dreaming.

confusion

Confusion-- Merriam Webster defines it as "a situation in which people are uncertain about what to do or are unable to understand something clearly." Here's what I'm confused about-- what to use this space for anymore. I hardly read blogs anymore. The only reason I'm reaching out here is because I don't know what to do with this space. I'm confused as to its purpose anymore. I'm confused by the state of the world. I'm tempted to utilize this space to explore that confusion. What does anyone else care? I don't even know if anyone reads this or checks up on here. I haven't updated in two months and in the time before that, it was a while. I don't really know why I keep this around. Should I let it go?

I suppose my issue is with letting it go, but I could archive anything here, I suppose. Disappear from the "blogosphere." I'm kind of disturbed the word blogosphere is a word at all that my computer recognizes. I'm mostly thinking out loud, but if anyone is actually reading- what should I do? I suppose I won't waste time/space here contemplating things, but I guess I can think about why I began blogging. Do I want to continue blogging? Who will actually read my words? Hence, confusion.

peeking from behind the curtain

Damn. When did it become 2017? I suppose this is as good a time as any to resurrect this space. Some changes will be in order, I think. It'll be a mess, but what else is new? I get married this year. October 21st, to be exact. It's a little bit more real now that we're in the same year it'll be happening. I kind of stopped taking photographs outside of an official capacity. No personal projects going or in the works. I haven't really been immersed in the world of images and that's weird because for the last fifteen or so years of my life, I have been deeply immersed in photography constantly. Always framing, always planning. I'm putting a lot of energy towards another hobby, which is fine, but I think the head space that normally was dedicated to photography and image making is being dedicated to this new endeavor. I'm seeking balance this year.

I want to work on personal projects again. I want to work with film and play with light, colors, shadows. It felt good to feel myself begin to frame things again, but now I just need to execute and not think, just do. New years bring about resolutions that tend to fall by the wayside. By the end of one year, especially last year, we're exhausted and ready to move on to something better. There's this hope with every new year that some people scoff at or look down upon cynically. That's fine and their prerogative, but hope is a beautiful thing. I'm gonna bask in that beauty.

change

I last published something here in April. That's a long time. A lot has happened over the past few months. It all has culminated into me sitting here, writing these words. Exciting, right? I began to contemplate this post last night before I fell asleep. The purpose of this blog has shifted so many times over its existence. I wonder if I'll ever find its true direction. But then again, hasn't it been serving its purpose all along? It's been a little space in this vast world wide web that I have carved out for myself to document change. Change within myself, change within my work, change within the world. Change. Change can be difficult, change can be painful. There is a trick to change. Do you know it? A wise woman once told me,"Change should happen so slowly, you don't even notice it."

the skies will know

There comes a time in one's life where you can't see past what's in front of you. Planning my future has always given me anxiety. I can't think too far ahead or I start to panic. looking up to the sky has been helping me lately. What am I doing lately? I'm working, I'm hula hooping. I'm not going to make this all about how hula hooping isn't just a child's toy (it's not), but I just wanted to share that it's an activity I do, along with yoga, that helps to calm my racing mind. I'm more focused on my movements and my body than I am the irrational thoughts plaguing me. I've been hooping less than a year, but I was asked to be featured at Duara Blog, a space for hoopers of color. It's something I was looking for when I initially started and didn't really find until DUARA. The feature is right here. This week, I'll be helping a fellow hooper create her promotional video. Sarahjo is an incredible flow artist and performer. Check out her page here! She's also the sweetest lady.

Life has definitely been throwing some curveballs to me and hooping and yoga have helped me to deal with those curveballs. So has looking up at the sky. It's so large and vast that my problems are so small.

juggling

lately, I have been juggling loads of things in my life- work, photography, hooping, yoga, my cat, my relationship. it's quite a bit and i'm trying to come up with a good schedule to balance things, but this isn't necessarily about balancing everything. No, this is about balancing my social media presence with who I am. I am a multi-faceted person. I have a lot going on, a lot of interests. I barely touch on all of them on every platform. My juggling discussion more so revolves around my instagram. I've thought about how within the last three months, I have lost and gained followers. Some are consistent (you know who you are), yet others came initially for the photography, didn't expect the yoga and hooping, yet that's who I have become. I have become an active person. I document these for the purpose of recognizing my progress. not everyone likes the yoga aspect, not everyone likes the photography aspect, but I have decided to keep my space, well, my space. As many have proven, unfollowing is very easy to do. I'm not encouraging or daring people to unfollow me; I am, however, making it a a point to declare these little spaces mine. You don't go into someone's house and tell them,"Ugh, that end table is awful. What the fuck were you thinking?" It's kind of the same, especially since I'm showing a vulnerable side in my fitness. I've just become more active. I still eat the same because I've always believed everything in moderation. I just hope that people can appreciate the blend of my passions.

stay awhile

A funny thing has been happening lately. I run into people I haven't seen for a while. We catch up on all the normal things, but for some reason, my blog has come up more than once. That's not to say I don't enjoy that people like my blog. I think,  for me at least, I'm surprised people read it and are interested in what I am saying. It's as though I've become suddenly aware that everything that I have been doing for myself is being observed, and enjoyed, by others. That makes me incredibly happy to hear! Apparently, I am relatable! 

That's not to say that I was unaware that I had readers. I obviously do, but many actually know me and enjoy the photos and my ramblings! That's how things should work out, though. Do work that makes you happy, others wjll notice, and let you know or just continue reading. It's just funny how I have a hard time accepting compliments and became immediately embarrassed that I was being noticed, but then I quickly got over that. I like the sporadic nature of my blog and I try to write how I talk so that it's not terribly dry. It just makes me happy that other people like this little space I have created for myself. Feel free to browse around. Kick off your shoes, stay a while.  

unexpected hiatus

I didn't expect to go away for a bit. I'll explain about that in a minute, but first, I want to congratulate my friend on her Senior Photo Exhibition. Theseus was the name, but there was some amazing work to be seen, not only the AMAZING ERIN <3, but other artists as well. I got to see her older sister, who I worked with at Barnes ages ago. We caught up to the point that I felt like I was monopolizing all of her time. Talk to me! It was inspiring. It was also super sweet because Erin thought that I would really love this artist who uses self-portraiture in mixed media. And I absolutely did. She said the kindest things about my self-portraits, and that she wouldn't be brave enough to do that. I didn't think what I was doing was brave. It's a way for me to express myself when I'm feeling low, but I'm glad someone likes it, especially someone who's photographic eye I trust.

fifty-eight through sixty-five

The reason for this unexpected hiatus was I felt super uninspired.I felt like there was something wrong with my photographic eye. I'd see things and want to take a photo, but it felt forced or stale. I'm trying hard to experiment with different styles to shooting lately so these are just snapshots from my phone that were never planned, just shot it from where I stood. I'm sure people are like,"Well, duh, you'd snap it where you stood." But normally, I would try to get the right angle, compose things just right, fit everything I want into the frame. I'm "shooting from the hip". The article I linked explains it best, but it's basically just shooting differently. For me, it also means quickly, getting the composition and colors I want in a split second. No redos. It's helping me to see things more clearly. I'm getting back into my thang and I'm excited to share whatever new things come from me.ALSO, I started my Facebook Page again: Elis Ramos-Garcia photography. I am adding things as I go through my hard drives.

where everybody knows your name

photos courtesy of Jason

Sunday night was great, despite the fact that I planned this event on a night the Badgers were playing. Oops. My bad. We were stuffed into a wittle corner until the game was over. Badgers won. Go Wisconsin! Now everybody else, go home. Go to bed. You have jobs in the morning. I mean, we did, too, but hey! We've got some celebrating to do before we go home! I love how we all just bounce around to talk to everyone because we get pretty spread out. The above photos are some of my favorite and I will cherish them always. Big thanks to Jason for taking them since I was too busy talking/wandering around to take my own photos. If you check Phhhoto, I was able to capture a couple of folks in gif form.

No one was allowed to cry because it was a celebration. When I was leaving, Stephanie started to tear up. I'd like to caption our hugging photo as,"Elis Yells At Stephanie No Crying!" I got a giant going away card, plus a few other ones from folks. I read them and they all made me cry. Every message was so sweet. Eight years is a long damn time! I've gotten messages every other day from people. It makes me miss everyone more! But I do feel loads better in terms of stress and my well-being. Sometimes, you've just gotta take those leaps.

relaxing days

Today was my very first day off. I did normal day off things- oil change, laundry, caught up on DVR'd shows. I have a four day weekend that I hope I haven't spread myself too thin. I want to visit Mary and the bebes, hang out with some other friends, maybe go out to brunch with my mom. I don't know. Today, things looked like the above photo. Batman slept while I caught up on Forensic Files and read a little bit.
You may have noticed, but things have changed around here. I already had combined the two blogs, and I finally came up with the name Blathering Broad. Why? Well, I tend to blather on about my life in these text posts and I'm fond of the term broad since it's old timey. I like referring to people as classy broads. Oh the things you learn about me here. I think I have finally changed all of my links so that blogger doesn't claim that you're being redirected to an unverified website. Oh, blurgh. That was an annoying first two days of checking and changing links, but hooray. New beginnings all around.

last day

As I left for the last time with the rest of my stuff (plus some extra things from some very kind folks), it felt kind of surreal to walk to my car after a shift there for the last time. I cried, naturally. When Erika came in, I couldn't even look at her because I would've started sobbing. While there were tears, I'm absolutely happy. And it's not as though I'm not going to see my coworkers ever again. It'll just be less frequent, which is a major bummer. For the last eight years, they have been my family. We've shared a lot of laughs and stress together, but now the band is breaking up. We're all moving onto different things, and that's normal. It's life. It is not the end of the world. I look forward to a new job, a new start, and a new outlook on life :) I also look forward to the celebration Sunday.

I think the things that made me cry the most were things that people said to me as we said goodbye. They'd miss my jokes, my laugh, I had a vibe I brought to the store, etc etc. It's crazy because I didn't think little ol' me had that much of an impact. It was delightful to hear some of those things. It made me feel good. It set me up for my next adventure because I know I will be fine.

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big changes

It is with great pleasure that I announce that I'm starting a new job on Monday. Check it -- things have been stressful at my current workplace. I won't delve into details because that's not how I roll. It's also extremely unprofessional. I had outgrown my work. I was no longer challenged. I'm excited to start something new. I'm also excited to wear "normal" clothes, as opposed to my all black uniform. A lot of things are changing. It's a little bit frightening, but exciting. I'm feeling all sorts of emotions these days, especially since I only have two days of work left. I guess I'll have a no-makeup policy from now on since Joe and Herb made me cry today. Ack. Oh, well. Here's to new beginnings!