Book Broads • Business Lunch

by Angie Eakley

I drive 30 miles to and from work every day, from a Milwaukee suburb known for its white-trash reputation to a region known as "Lake Country," which gives the opposite impression. As with every generalization, 'Stallis isn't as down and dirty as people like to think, and there are working class people living in reasonably sized homes out in Lake Country. (Although in the former the mayor recently hired a PR firm to make commercials or something to change popular opinion, and the latter is home to a high school that made the news for funding a locker room to rival that of the Milwaukee Bucks, so some stereotypes die harder than others.) One of my friends also works out there, and we occasionally get together for lunch. We call it "business lunch," refer to ourselves as "business ladies," and once when a miscommunication resulted in us each waiting for the other at a different Panera location, ruthlessly mocked and blamed our non-existent assistants for mis-managing our calendars. All this is to say that I am sorry to the gentlemen we saw at BW3s and mocked for the suits they wore and the files they brought in, because you my have been doing something Very Important for Business that I, at least, will never understand.

Despite this pathological inability to envision myself as even kind of an adult, I have always been drawn to the Business Profiles section of the bookstore. I still can't stomach those motivational business books; even I know that a company has never been saved by forcing its managers to read The Five Dysfunctions of a Team. Sorry, worst manager I ever worked for, nobody liked you personally or as a boss, and corporate probably told you that this assignment was mandatory, but the main dysfunction of this Team is YOU, and also nobody's going to read that book. Nobody.

The Business shelves are my Sci-Fi/Fantasy section. It's an alien world to me. (I know there are incredible books in that genre, and I'm certainly missing out by remaining relatively oblivious about all of it, but I just can't do realms. I can't keep track of rules and conventions in a made-up world, and I have SO MANY books to read that I just can't get sucked in to a 20-book series that spans decades and thousands and thousands of pages. SO many pages! I'm a big fan of the psychological mystery/thriller, and I just read the OG - all 800 pages of Wilkie Collins' The Woman In White, and as much as I admired and loved and got totally sucked into it, the editor in me died a little every time I read a LITERAL PAGE AND A HALF about something that could be conveyed in a sentence, and it was almost lost altogether when the narrators speak of brevity AFTER 700 PAGES OF EXPOSITION. Also the gender politics of that book are horrific, but that is a story for another time.) To me, the business world might as well be a country in Westeros or something, because I don't know anything about it. All the popular business books seem like weird self-help books to me. I don't know what a "strength-finder" is, but I conservatively shelved 2 million copies of that book in my 10 years as a bookseller.

To belabor this metaphor, business profiles is my Patrick Rothfuss novel; my The Sparrow. (This is wishful thinking. It is on my reading challenge list this year. Godspeed, me.) It is a treasure trove of storytelling! Sometimes it's a whistle-blowing tell-all by an insider; sometimes, it's an exhaustively researched story about a glorious rise and fall. Sometimes, it's more of a biographical profile of a weirdo. I can't get enough! My Woman in White follow-up will be a business profile book called Losing the Signal, about the rise and fall of BlackBerry. I never had a BlackBerry; I was the last of my friends to get a cell phone, and am on my second ever smartphone. I shouldn't care, but I do, because a) "book with 2 authors" is a prompt in the reading challenge I am currently doing, and this book does, indeed, have 2 authors, and b) it's a Business Profile so this is my Game of Thrones, my Lord of the Rings, my Ender's Game. I already know that I am all in. My friends have no idea how many idiosyncratic facts about BlackBerry they're going to have to suffer through, but I'm not even sorry.

In honor of all the profiles that have come before it, here is a survey of Business Profiles That I Have Known and Loved:

The Wolf of Wall Street by Jordan Belfort
I picked this up as an advance reader copy in the free box at Barnes, and even that copy notes that the story is optioned for a movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Business Profile books are often turned into movies. Recognize the narrative? Success from obscurity (they came from nothing! This could be you!), salad days of money and fame (wouldn't it be great to be stupid rich!), corruption as a result of said money and fame (you'd never lost sight of you origins! You'd appreciate every penny and be gracious and generous to everyone!), and finally, downfall (sweet, sweet schadenfreude!). You might get a little bit of redemption in the end, but that's just the cherry on top. It's been quite a while since I read this book, and I've since seen the movie, so I'm ignorant of many of the book-specific details, but I do remember the tone of the narrative jibing with the end-of-movie reveal that this dude is still an asshole who learned basically nothing. Regardless, his story is incredible.

Liar's Poker, The New New Thing, Next, The Big Short by Michael Lewis
Lewis is the king of the business profile. He's probably more famous for his sports books Moneyball and The Blind Side, but if you only know Michael Lewis from the movies based on his books, you're really missing out. His first book, Liar's Poker, is an account of his time at Solomon Brothers. He graduated college at a time when Wall Street jobs were handed out like AOL cds in the 90s, and although he was admittedly a mediocre-at-best trader, he proved to be an excellent observer and engaging writer. His books are centered on an incredible true life story (which is usually the only part of the narrative translated into film) that perfectly illustrates a larger cultural point. Moneyball is about Billy Beane and the A's, but it's also about the history of fantasy sports and the rise of sabermetrics. The Blind Side is about Michael Oher's improbable rise to NFL prominence, but it's also a Malcom Gladwell-worthy story about the physical and cultural particularities of Oher aligning perfectly with the prominence of the role of the quarterback and the rise of the west coast offense. It's about the ability of athletic prowess to provide an escape from economic depression, and about how far schools will go to bypass the "student" part of "student-athlete" for their own gain. It asks what happens to all the Michael Ohers who aren't "discovered" by wealthy white families who can provide to the means to a lucrative career. The Big Short taught me what a sub-prime mortgage actually is, and I left that book not only understanding what happened, but how it happened. Basically, if you see a book written by Michael Lewis, read it. It'll be entertaining and informative and worth it, I promise.

The Informant by Kurt Eichenwald
It's a shame that whatever is currently going on with Eichenwald is happening, because he has written some fascinating journalism. This particular book could also be in true crime, or FBI-specific sections, but the story of the world's most bumbling and diluted CI is worth every one of its many pages. Like all of these books that are turned into movies, a lot of the details are necessarily cut or changed for the film. No matter how little you think you care about corn, you will be mesmerized by the callous brazenness of the businessmen in these pages. This is one story that seems like it could only have been a movie, but proves the cliche that truth is often crazier than fiction.

The Accidental Billionaires by Ben Mezrich
Mezrich is one of those authors whose books I will read regardless of their subject. His format is simple: he writes about incredibly intelligent people doing incredible things. He's written about the MIT students that took Vegas for millions (Bringing Down the House, which was the basis of the movie 21), the heist of a priceless piece of the moon (Sex on the Moon), and the rise of billionaire Russian oligarchs in the wake of the fallen Soviet regime (Once Upon a Time in Russia). Lost in the glare of Sorkin, Fincher, Reznor, and Eisenberg is the fact that the basis of the movie The Social Network is this book by Mezrich. Before Justin Timberlake forced us all to wonder what's better than more money than we'll probably ever see (and remember all that time we spent on Napster), Mezrich was telling the story of an awkward loner who changed the world with his online Facebook. Again, if you want the story behind the story, this is the source.

No One Would Listen by Harry Markopolos
Any complexity inherent to Ponzi schemes, and to Madoff specifically, is emotional. The actual running of the scheme is simple; as long as you can keep convincing new people to hand over their money, the deception continues undetected. In order to do that, however, you need to justify robbing other people for your own gain. The Madoff case was spectacular for many reasons: it's brazenness, the relative restraint he had to use to remain undetected for so long, and his callous betrayal of friends and family along the way. No One Would Listen is the story of the people who uncovered Madoff's deception, how they did it, and why it took so long. It is a fascinating tale of greed, audacity, and the determination of a small group of people to expose the truth in the face of indifference and incompetence, told by the people who finally brought him down.

The Great Beanie Baby Bubble by Zac Bissonnette
Every time I see a TY display at the big box store, I think about this book. When they made their debut, beanie babies were sold exclusively at specialty toy shops. That's probably the least interesting fact in this book. Everything about beanie babies is kind of nuts. From their creator, a strange man on a quest to make the perfect stuffed toy, to their improbable ascent to the top of the collectable world, to the people left with entire rooms of now worthless toys with their tags carefully shielded in plastic protectors, the story of Ty Warner and his toys is worth every minute it takes to read this profile. Bissonnette details how and why the beanie baby bubble came into existence, and what happened when it inevitably popped.

Books like these are why I love the business profiles section. They are dynamic, interesting stories about a specific business or industry that will draw you in regardless of how many team dysfunctions you can name. These things happened in business settings, but they are stories about ambition, circumstance, greed, ingenuity, and consequence. It's not a surprise so many of them find success on the big screen. The movies may be compelling, but the books they're based on tell the whole story.

Lost And Found

Whoa. It's been a while since I, creator of this space have actually written words for said space. Actually, I do have a few posts here and there written, but I haven't actually sat down with my laptop in a while. I am trying to take it out a lot more to hopefully provoke the urge to finally post something. I give a lot of credit to Angie and my fellow Book Broads for motivating me to keep this place going. Seriously, thank you! Angie has been writing a whole bunch and I so greatly appreciate her taking the time to create for this space. She also kicked my butt into gear into renewing my URL. So cheers to another year of the blathering broad(s). Erika is busy with school and being a lovely rat mom (go, Erika! crush school and do the things!). Our gal, Portia has her own blogging space, Sequin Books. I'm all for people beginning their own blogs. In fact, at the end of this post, I'll add a couple I'm grooving on lately.

Since last I wrote, I have gotten married! Matt and I have been together nearly six years so it's not different, except there's paperwork involved (lol) No, I love the man to pieces and I'm so excited about spending the rest of our lives together. Post wedding, we took a little road trip to Knoxville, Tennessee, which was really cool. I don't know if I have necessarily discussed it here on the blog, but I have kind of lost my will to take photographs. That sounds terrible. I still snap pictures with my phone. I'm looking to downsize my camera system from a DSLR to a more portable mirrorless camera. I'm trying to re-introduce myself to my love of images. I don't know where that spark went. I felt it dwindling a couple years ago, but I was struggling to hold on. Admitting it feels a lot better. I'm working on it. I am at least still expressing myself in one way or another.

I'm sure I've mentioned previously that I've taken up hula hooping. Hula hooping is more than just rotations around your waist, but a form of expression. Lately, I've discovered the "nerdy" side of flow-- tech! There's grids and geometry and mind-boggling things. I'm loving this form of expression. I'm sponsored by my favorite shop, Third Eye Colorado. Our team is more than just a bunch of sponsored hoopers, but we're family. I've met a lot of folks through the community and so grateful for it allowing me to come out of my shell a bit. Here is my latest video. I have also taken up two hoops and fire spinning with fire fans. I'll have to create a video of that soon :)

Slowly but surely, I am also getting back to reading. I've been reading short stories (like super short, like flash fiction) and poetry to ease myself back into getting fully immersed in a book. I can't wait. So that's it. I'm going to try to rekindle my love for images, explore different writing subjects, continue hula hooping, and sharing books that interest me. Stick around for a bit. Oh, and as promised, here's a few blogs I'm digging:
+ From Babies to Bourbon
+ Home With Willow
+ The Larson House
+ Good Bones Blog

Book Broads • Book Challenge 2018

by Angie Eakley

I've written before about my aversion to book clubs. As an avid reader and lifelong book hoarder, I like being able to choose what I want to read next in the moment, not to have to "force myself" to read something on a certain timeline. In the past few years, however, I have structured my own reading choices along certain rubrics, and have enjoyed the motivation and structure they afford.

A few years ago, I declared the "Fall of Grish," and proceeded to read all of John Grisham's books. Hunting used book stores for his entire catalogue was easy given his popularity, and was relatively inexpensive as I stayed in the realm of the mass market paperback. It also justified trips to Half Price Books on the regular, which is a favorite pastime of mine. Shortly before I left my job as a bookseller, we had a bay of psychological thrillers. I've always been a fan of this genre, but hadn't read many of the authors on display. Before I left, I printed the title list for the display and kept it in my bag. More authors discovered, more direction at the used book store, more anticipation of forthcoming titles!

Three years ago, I started keeping track of all the books that I read. After I finished a book, I'd make a note in the calendar on my phone and scan the ISBN into my BookCatalogue app. (I could probably write thousands of words in praise of this app; you can organize your books, note when and to whom you've lent books, mark their location and whether they are signed, and double check that you're not buying a book AGAIN, because you've meant to read it and it's in the clearance bin and for $2 you can't pass it up.) In 2015, I read 38 books. In 2016, I got my crippling anxiety under control AND left the bookstore, so I had adequate serotonin levels and 3-4 weeknights free; I read 59 books. In 2017, I set a goal of 60 books. I had to knock out a bunch of those quick-read psychological thrillers in December, but I made it!

This year, I'm doing something a little bit different. A friend of mine came across the POPSUGAR 2018 reading challenge. It consists of 40 open prompts, with entries like "read the next book from a series you've already started," "read a true crime novel," and "read a book that was published the year you graduated from high school." In a twist that will require more will power than I may possess, I'm going to attempt to complete this challenge all with books that I already own but haven't yet read. Even as I type this, I can think of at least two that I'll have to acquire, so that's going about as well as you'd expect.

I really love the open-endedness of this challenge. There is something incredibly validating about checking something off of a list, and being able to pick and choose the order in which to accomplish those tasks makes it feel less like an obligation. If I don't feel like reading a book about or involving sports this time, I don't have to. I've got a whole year. A few of my friends are doing the challenge as well; some will combine challenges, so a nordic noir with two authors published this year will check three prompts off the list; I'm going to do one book per prompt. It has us all talking about books and excited about reading, which is kind of my brand, so I'm very much looking forward to this reading year.

If you'd like to hop in on this challenge, you can find the list of prompts here. If you're looking for a suggestion from someone else doing the challenge, let me offer Last Night at the Lobster by Stewart O'Nan. It's short, it's beautifully written, and serves as a wonderful introduction to his incredible books. (Don't read Prayer for the Dying unless you are ready to be DESTROYED, though. If you prefer non-fiction, his true crime book, The Circus Fire, is one of the best of that genre. You can't go wrong with any of his books, really.)

Finally, I'd like to say a giant thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my and all of our posts. I've had a great time thinking, talking, and writing about books since we started this, and I love hearing that people are reading and responding to our thoughts. From everyone on the Nerd Phone Chain, happy 2018, and happy (& challenging, fulfilling, informative, escapist, empowering, entertaining) reading!

Book Broads • Scary Book Month

by Angie Eakley

just a note: Elis was unable to find her laptop cord from moving, hence the late Halloween post just before Thanksgiving :P

I'm always jealous of people in long-running, functional book clubs. In theory, I love book clubs. Especially since leaving my bookstore job, which was essentially a book club discussion interrupted by customers and projects, I don't talk to people about books as much as I used to. Since I always have a book with me, people often ask me what I'm reading, but a lot of the time it's a one-way conversation. I miss spending several hours each week with friends who are also always actively reading, and who are excited to share their discoveries and bond over a shared love of specific authors or individual books. The problem is, it takes a lot of effort to get a book club together, and its success depends on the efforts of all of the members. Also, more selfishly, I like to be able to choose what book I read next; I have literal piles of books to be read, and I am not always in the mood to read a specific book at a specific time, which is sort of the standard operating procedure of a successful book club.

I don't have a specific rubric for choosing my next book, but sometimes I like to choose something related to a specific time or season (Bernd Heinrich's wonderful Summer World and Winter World, for example, are even better reads when what's being described in the books is happening around you). As a recent Joe Hill-related 6-year-old Facebook memory can attest, I've long chosen a "scary" book to read around the end of October. That year it was Heart-Shaped Box, another The Girl Next Door, another Columbine. Fact, fiction, or in between, it just has to be scary. Initially, I was going to read Five Days at Memorial, but recent events made me reluctant to want to read about the government failing to protect its citizens in the wake of a natural disaster. Instead, I chose probably the most famous true crime book of all time, which has long been on my to be read list but that I didn't even own until recently: Helter Skelter.

I know the story; at this point the story of Charles Manson and his "Family" is the stuff of cultural legend. I've listened to the Manson series on both The Last Podcast on the Left and You Must Remember This podcasts in addition to all the general information about the story you'd pick up as someone who grew up watching various true crime shows. Helter Skelter is written by the prosecutor, but tells the story of the formation of the Family and the execution, investigation, and capture of the killers in addition to the story of the trial itself and the immediate aftermath.

I don't know what exactly about this story resonates as much as it does. It may be the same reason stories of any cult situation are so fascinating. The idea of an individual giving up their autonomy in service of a singular person or idea seems insane, but it happens with regularity. Despite the location, time, or culture, people - often young, disaffected, questioning - voluntarily give themselves over to another in service of a larger ideal. In the compressed timeline of a 42 minute procedural or true crime show or book, it doesn't seem plausible. When put in the context of real time, however, and the psychological commonalities among the followers, these things can build. Manson had dozens of followers; only a handful committed murder.

That's what makes this book (and lots of other true crime books) so scary; it's not the specifics of the story itself. It's the idea that at any point people could break in and commit savage murder for seemingly no reason, and with seemingly no remorse. That under the right circumstance, any person can become disconnected enough to go looking for something else. Depending on who they find, they could end up with a better, more fulfilling life; or they could lose themselves to evil - thinking, saying, and doing things they'd never believed possible. And what of those murderous "followers?" Without Charlie, who are they? Could they again commit those heinous crimes? Can a person change?

Evil is something we always want to see. We don't want to look at images of the victims; they could be anyone. They could be us. But the killer - the killer is "other." We want to be able to look into the faces of Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, the Boston Marathon Bombers, the Columbine killers, and we want to see something there that makes them different. Because if they are just people, people just like us, if evil isn't something inherent, then those people could be us. Or the people we know, the people we love. We want to believe that people are basically good, that life is sacred, worthy of respect. When someone like Charles Manson comes along and not only refutes that, but does it by manipulating others both on a movie ranch in California and from the confines of a prison cell, then we are all at risk. Because evil doesn't have a tell. It's not a look, a mark, a strict dichotomy that is either present or not. It is a part of being human. It is a choice, albeit one that is easier for some to make than others. These true crime stories capture attention because they are shades of us; they don't make us feel safe, but maybe they reassure us that we are not evil. That given a choice, we would not choose violence, revenge, or hate. That for us, dressing up, decorating, and binging on candy once a year, just playing at evil, is enough.

Happy Halloween!

what are you?

From a very young age, I was made aware that I was different; not different in how we are all unique, different because of the names I was called (spic, pork chop, monkey), questions I was asked. I heard,"What are you?" so often before the age of ten, I began to believe I was an alien.

At thirteen, my bus mate and I were questioned by the police as to why we were walking in our neighborhood that afternoon. Why two brown girls with our backpacks bursting with books seemed like a threat to those two officers, I will never know. But I knew they could see me as I opened the gate to my yard (my friend lived a block over). As we were questioned, I remembered our social studies teacher taugt up about out Fourth Amendment Right. Luckily, my knowledge wasn't needed during this encounter, but my heart remained in my throat until they pulled away five minutes later.

That same year, we were assigned to read Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin. We read this after Maus, a graphic novel that depicts Spiegelman interviewing his father about his experience as a Polish Jew & Holocaust survivor. We were well acquainted with atrocities inflicted upon those deemed different and not human. With out reading of Black Life Me came project that remins one of the most powerful things I have seen from thirteen year old.

Essentially, we were to create situations within society similar to how John made himself black. I'd like to note that NO BLACKFACE was involved. All projects were subject to teacher approval. Some folks partnered with other races for their own experiment of treatment of blacks vs treatment of whites. One gal even when to the mall with a pillow to see the stigmas black teen mothers are faced with. It emotionally effected her so much that she had the class in tears.

Everyone was deeply affected by their projects. At thirteen, how do you grapple with the fact that there has been no progress in the years since John Howard Griffin wrote the book? As we grew older, we began to experience those injustices directed at us. The most vile, racial epithets lobbed at our athletes when we visited more rural areas. They wanted to intimidated the "city kids," yet it fueled our beast mode and proved on the court/field/track that we can and will rise above the bullshit. Plus, we didn't need to resort to bigotry and intolerance. At 16, we were well acquainted with the DWB-- Drive While Brown/Black. It's when you get pulled over in a predominantly white neighborhood for bullshit reasons:

tail light is out

what are you ladies doing out here?

did you know your right headlight is out?

where you going in such a rush?

just checking to make sure things are alright.

Alright? That my car is my own? That I want to go home after a long work day? Unless I am straight up running people over, there's never been a real reason for me to be pulled over. I worked in a predominantly white shopping mall for many years and was subjected to some awful microaggressions. White colleagues would try to say,"maybe they didn't mean it that way," or "you're overreacting." but having lived this experience as a woman of color, I'm pretty sure I know when microaggressions are being lobbed at me, no matter how passive aggressive.

So, what was the point of me rambling on about all of these things? From a young age, I have been made to feel other, not only in society at large, but also within my familial circle. Because I don't eat beans and am shy to speak Spanish, I'm deemed "not Puerto Rican" enough, although coquito runs through these veins. My heart aches and breaks constantly as I read the news and the bullshit regarding the lack of aid to Puerto Rico. I'm not surprised by the lack of help given to mi gente. I just wish other Americans realized puertorriqueños son su gente tambien and stop believing the lies of 45.

please consider donating here (Hurrican Relief Fund for Puerto Rican) or here (Hispanic Federation). Anything you can do to help can make a huge difference.

Book Broads • The Difficulties of Being a Fast Reader

by Portia Turner

I’ve always prided myself on being a fast reader. I love that I can get through crazy amounts of books (even though it still stresses me out that I can’t get through more) and I am well aware that it is a skill that people are jealous of.

That said, I recently went to a family reunion and decided to tackle a “book written before 1900” for my reading challenge with my roommates. I brought Middlemarch with me because I have been wanting to read it for ages and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. Reading this book, though, has made me realize that I have developed very little patience when it comes to reading and my attention span for books has, unfortunately, decreased. I’m not used to spending more than a week reading a book and, as I approached week 3 with this tome, I found myself thinking, why aren’t you reading this faster? It’s thoughts like these that kept me reading and honestly, have probably pushed me through passages too quickly so I found myself not even sure what has just happened. And then I would go to work and realize that books are coming out that I meant to have read and I started to resent that I was still reading Middlemarch even though I was really enjoying the book and really did want to finish it.

It is disturbing to me that my attention span for reading has decreased and it is even more upsetting because, working at a bookstore, my hunger for books and my TBR list has grown insanely huge amounts. My want to experience as many stories as possible is making it hard for me to experience some of these books in the moment. Sure, there are the books that immediately pull me in and that I can’t put down and love from page one (I’m looking at you, Spoonbenders) but for most books, I find myself speeding through, not always giving myself a chance to fully relax and enjoy the book for what it is. This year I have found myself feeling so-so about more books than any other year.

This isn’t going to slow me down. I still have overwhelming piles of books around my room and I am still constantly bringing home new ones. But hopefully this realization will make me think harder about each book. Because books and reading are so important to me. And I need them to mean more than just a number at the end of the year.

book broads

I decided to enlist some of my friends who are definitely more avid reads than I am these days. I wanted to still keep a book component, but didn't want to delve into stale topics. So I enlisted some other broads to be part of the Nerd Phone Chain Book Corner. We all became friends when we worked together at a book store. As we've been away from that place for about two years, we've developed a group chat dubbed Nerd Phone Chain (NPC). We're drawn together by our love of books, quirky humor, old fashioneds, fried cheese, and our pets. Also, I love them ❤️ I will be introducing them once we get their photos situated, but for now, I wanted to write a little bit on why I have been a terrible reader lately.

When I worked at the book store, I tore through books as though we were running out of books. Essentially, there were too many books and I wanted them all. Hell, I still want them all. Matt and I have shelves and bins of books we have yet to read, not to mention we read each other's books. I think it's safe to say I love books. I love talking about them and I'd love to write someday. But things have shifted and I don't read as often as I do.

I began a new job almost two years ago at a small local natural food grocery. I still hung onto reading then, but I recall a depressive episode completely sidelined any and all of my interests. I watched a playlist of Jimmy Fallon playing games with his guests to make myself laugh. I was buried deep in the depressive darkness. It's hard to get back into a book that you abandoned during that episode, no matter how much you wanted to finish it. Things seemed to decline from there.

I would pick up a book, get half way, and put it back on the shelf. I continued buying books that I hoped would intrigue me. Only a couple managed to make me to feel like to voracious reader I once was-- Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng; Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl by Carrie Brownstein; The Girls by Emma Cline; The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron; Will You Please Be Quiet Please? by Raymond Carter. Lots of starting and stopping books. I don't know. I just became preoccupied by work and other hobbies. But, that's about to change.

I'm in the middle of reading South and West by Joan Didion. It will be my first contribution for the NPCBC. I look forward to it and to sharing the brilliant minds of my fellow book broads.

where everybody knows your name

photos courtesy of Jason

Sunday night was great, despite the fact that I planned this event on a night the Badgers were playing. Oops. My bad. We were stuffed into a wittle corner until the game was over. Badgers won. Go Wisconsin! Now everybody else, go home. Go to bed. You have jobs in the morning. I mean, we did, too, but hey! We've got some celebrating to do before we go home! I love how we all just bounce around to talk to everyone because we get pretty spread out. The above photos are some of my favorite and I will cherish them always. Big thanks to Jason for taking them since I was too busy talking/wandering around to take my own photos. If you check Phhhoto, I was able to capture a couple of folks in gif form.

No one was allowed to cry because it was a celebration. When I was leaving, Stephanie started to tear up. I'd like to caption our hugging photo as,"Elis Yells At Stephanie No Crying!" I got a giant going away card, plus a few other ones from folks. I read them and they all made me cry. Every message was so sweet. Eight years is a long damn time! I've gotten messages every other day from people. It makes me miss everyone more! But I do feel loads better in terms of stress and my well-being. Sometimes, you've just gotta take those leaps.

surround yourself with the best people

This last week has been...well, shitty. There, I said it. I am trying so hard to stay positive. What helps me the most is that I'm surrounded by an amazing group of supportive people. They're not just my colleagues-they're some of my best friends. I had some really enlightening and encouraging conversations today with these wonderful people. I don't think they know how much their love for me means to me. Their encouragement that I can do anything helps to me think,"Hey, maybe I can do anything." Catey called me amazing & talented. Erika said,"we love YOU, ma'am." Jason's got my back, even if he's no longer there. Brian told me a Camus joke that was absurd, haha, but made me laugh nonetheless. Steph hugged me whenever she saw me, and Matt just wants me to be happy. I'm trying. One day at a time, I am trying my hardest to be happy and positive. Some days are harder than others.
The point of this, aside from advising any readers to stay positive in spite of terrible situations, is that my blogging will be even more sporadic. I'm going to try to turn this thing around. Given my current mental state and other personal things going on, I can't have this stress of oh my god i need to post content to my blog with its tiny readership. Yeah, I get in my head too much. But I'm hoping that with this small break (ugh, not break, just not so frequent with posting), I'll be able to build content that I'm proud of and show off constantly. The way I currently go about this thing doesn't appeal to me so it'll be a way to re-evaluate why I'm blogging and how to make it more about my photography and an exercise in writing better. Betcha didn't know that I love to write. Essays, short stories, poems. I've got notebooks filled with them, even from when I was an angsty teenager. Blech.

be more open

Yesterday, I had a woman looking to buy some food, interested in the sandwiches we serve. Once she settled on her choice, she looked around her before leaning to tell me,"Okay, this may be weird, but I have OCD." I immediately said,"No, it's all good! I do, too!" Her eyes brightened. "Really?! I could hug you right now. Most people think I'm crazy!" For her comfort, I took care of everything, washing my hands several times between glove changes. She was very very grateful, stuck around for a few more hours, and came back for more food. It made me sad that this poor woman felt that she'd be perceived as "crazy" because she has OCD. Goodness, I hate how stigmatized mental illness is. In the years since writing my post, things i'm afraid to tell you, i've become even more open in discussing my condition in the hopes that it'll allow others to feel less alone.
Personally, I've always felt alone and choose to isolate myself with those feelings of despair and anxiety come around. If I'm around others, I feel like a bummer or a burden if I talk about what is bothering me. When I'm deep in a funk, I'm all alone. It's my own personal hell. To quote Arcade Fire,"My body is a cage that keeps me from dancing with the one I love, but my mind holds the key." I interpret that as I'm in my own personal mental hell, but the key is within me to fix it. I fix those feelings by reaching out to others so they feel less alone, as well as I will feel less alone. Whenever I discover something like a friend with severe anxiety or someone struggling with self-harm, I always let them tell me their stories, as well as share my own. To know that you're not the only one struggling makes a huge difference. Just remember: everybody's trying.
So, if you, my few readers, are struggling and need to not feel alone, holler. my inbox is always open: mkephotoge@gmail.com

jumbled thoughts

It's hard to grasp the magnitude of things that have occurred these past few weeks. There are more recent things that are pressing on my mind like what's occurring in Ferguson, MO, the desperate measures of a depressed man who chose to end his pain, and the situation in Iraq. It's also surreal to see people going about things as though nothing is occurring. We'd all be miserable sad sacks if we solely focused on all of the negativity so I can understand people's need for escapism. Sometimes, we still need to see the light, despite the darkness that surrounds us. It's a strange world we live in, and at the moment, it's rather frightening. I could have posted something lighter, in order to act as an escape, but I just wanted to address that these things are in fact occurring. Now to escape into the light...

life lately: vacation edition

Why I added "edition" to the title, I don't know. I rarely do these my-week-on-instagram posts, but since I have a few "serious" drafts in the queue, I thought I'd liven things up with what I did during my stay-cation since folks kept asking,"where'd you go?" and I'd snort,"nowhere." It was just a nice, relaxing week off in which I spent time with family, friends, and of course, Matthew, as it was his birthday.

+I went hiking with my pal, Mary, and enjoyed something I'd never thought to do before. She only had raspberry ice cubes, which once melted, gave the water a delicious and light raspberry flavor.
+For Matt's birthday, we picked up some coffee at our favorite spot, as well as got his free birthday coffee. Those kinds of perks are always fun. I also made him paninis after we picked up some books at the book store.
+There are some random snaps from our days off together, such as the lonely tricycle and my tasty vodka lemonade that we enjoyed while I baked OREO-stuffed brownies.
+And finally, on my last day off (Saturday), Laura and I checked out a biergarten. It was my first time and it was amazing.

I am definitely more active in the summer. My blog is impacted in that I don't really feel it's interesting to share I'm just working and watching Netflix. I'm trying to change that in coming up with hikes and areas to explore, even when the weather gets colder. We have jackets and scarves for a reason, no? Hopefully, I can also take more trips to Chicago. Speaking of which, I'm going to be going back and forth there this next month. It's going to be insane. So in case you find I'm missing, or that there are more posts like these, you have been warned.

ONE MORE THING BEFORE I GO: I'm considering creating and selling a limited amount of zines with selections from my FILM DIARY. I'm researching printing prices and quality and whatnot. I'd like to keep things in the $5-$10 range. Let me know if there'd be any interest or if it'd be like,"boo, stupid. I give zero fvcks." :)

on the shelf: making room

I was supposed to do a month to month update of the books I have read, but those would be terribly short posts. I'm really taking my time, despite upping the challenge this year. Hopefully, I'll have another productive July and read ten books. When I think of all the books I have to read, it's a bit overwhelming. I've had to put my read books away in boxes. My room is overrun with books. Piles here and there, bookshelves two rows of books deep. I can't stop! I'm trying to get a handle on the books I have before I get anything else, although sometimes, who can resist?

Americanah: A fantastic read. It's not only about Ifemelu and Obinze's love. Ifemelu leaves for America to pursue higher education. She encounters racism she never experienced at home in Nigeria. This racism and feelings expressed by the oppressed confuse Ifemelu, frustrates her, and makes her homesick. Such an amazing book, such an incredible read. Others should read it as well, and not just because Lupita Nyong'o is going to star in & produce the movie, but because the story is incredible. That's why she's starring in and producing it. Duh.
Show Your Work!: The follow-up to Austin's Kleon's Steal Like An Artist. The process is just as important as the result, and just as important to share. There are many parts that are worth highlighting, but the entire thing is worth a read for creative folk out there.
Blue Nights: Joan Didion succeeds at pulling you into her memories once again. This memoir opens July 26, 2010, which would have been Quintana Roo's wedding anniversary. Didion goes on to vividly describe memories of Quintana's childhood. While John and Quintana are suspended in the age they were when they passed, Didion has continued to grow older, an underlying theme. One thing I loved about this book was that Didion addresses those critics that complained of her "flaunting" her privileged life. It brought a smile to my face. She's such an amazing lady.
What We Talk About When We Talk About Love: My very first Raymond Carver was purchased for $1. Such a steal for a masterpiece of short stories. They read as though someone is telling these stories, haunted by them, and needing to purge them from within. They were short, yet powerful in their delivery.
Sex Criminals, Volume 1 One Weird Trick: Matt was excited about purchasing this so I thought I could finish it in one afternoon. It's very interesting, funny, and quick. These two can stop time when they have sex and decide to use this ability to rob banks. It's crazy, yet imaginative.
Annihilation: This is the first in the Southern Reach trilogy. A novel about a mysterious Area X that has been cut off from the rest of the "continent." This twelfth expedition is all women and contains an anthropologist, a biologist, a psychologist, and a surveyor. They are sent to explore and bring back any data they gather. They discover a structure not mapped, and explore its depths with extreme caution. Previous groups have committed suicide, returned and died from a mysterious illness months later, and turned on one another. We quickly learn that not everything is as it seems.
Ask the Dust: Charles Bukowski worshipped Fante, and I see many similarities in their writings. Arturo Bandini comes to LA after his first story is published. He thinks he's a god. He falls for a waitress, becoming so obsessed with her, he abuses her every time he gets near. It's easy to get lost in his head with this novel.

creative block

I hate creative blocks. I can't seem to shake this one that started a couple of weeks ago. It's a good sign, though, that I get lost in thought staring at the sunlight or the clouds, figuring out how to capture them, what sort of framing and settings I would need. That is a good thing. Reading Joan Didion is also giving me a bit of a creative kick. I'm seriously desperate to get inspiration from anything so I'm looking at EVERYTHING to inspire me. I forget how much I enjoy creating diptychs and triptychs until I'm playing around in photoshop and create one. Currently, I'm having fun playing with images I've shot previously, but I'd like to make themed diptychs/triptychs. I've got the day off tomorrow to experiment with an idea I have. I seriously hope that I break through this block soon. It seems that relaxing and not panicking about it seems to be helping. Why freak out about what you can't control?

on the shelf: the first quarter

The way I have done books on here has evolved quite a bit. I never find a format that I really like or that I can do quickly and consistently. Since I'm doing the 50 book challenge this year, I thought that maybe I could do a round-up of the books each month. Actually, I can't really take credit for that idea. Matt reads an insane amount (he's knocked out 48 books this year!) so he was coming up with better ways to keep track of his reading. That was one of them. I am a little behind, in my reading and keeping track of that on here. Every time I sit down to do it, I come up with something else to blog about. Not today. I will finish this.

My last post touched a little upon my reading of Factotum by Charles Bukowski. This was my second Bukowski novel, the first being Post Office. It's hard for me to describe why I thoroughly enjoy reading Bukowski. I just do. Chinaski isn't necessarily a character that was created to be likeable. As the reader, you're just along for the ride.
Jesus' Son by Denis Johnson was another fairly gritty read. Once again, you're along for the ride. These stories are told as if you're the barfly of some dive this guy is just traveling through. Denis Johnson has a different command of the English language than Bukowski does (topics are similar, that's why I bring up this difference). I enjoy both of their styles of writing. It made for reading such similar topics of addiction and hopelessness back to back interesting.
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn is a love it or hate it book. I knew the ending. Whatever. I suspended my knowledge and plowed through this thing in a couple of days. I can't wait to see how certain elements occur in movie-form.
I own and have yet to read Damned, which I was dumb and didn't realize preceded the latest release Doomed by Chuck Palahniuk. It was fairly easy to follow along. Damn, I was on a gritty kick for a while. I made a lot of horrifying faces while reading this book, but Chuck Palahniuk does that to me. He seriously can make me want to puke with the way he describes everything so vividly. All in all, I really enjoyed it, though not for the faint of heart.
Shining Girls by Lauren Beukes was pretty awesome. A time traveling serial killer. I mean, seriously! I needed something new to read, perused Matt's e-books and was immediately hooked. it was very enjoyable. I don't want to give things away, but I think the time traveling serial killer angle should draw some curious readers. They do describe the deaths, yes, but it seriously is very interesting.
I thoroughly enjoyed this year's Best American Essays edited by Cheryl Strayed. I like reading one star reviews because I tend to feel the opposite of them. I really enjoyed this collection. Very inspiring and my favorite of the Best American series this year.
When I found out BJ Novak had written a collection of short stories, I was intrigued. One More Thing is a wonderful collection of funny and thoughtful stories. They are of varying lengths, which I have learned I enjoy a lot. As a fan of The Office, I knew I would love it. If you don't know, BJ Novak was a writer and actor on the show. He did not disappoint me and I cannot wait to own this.
Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell makes history fun. History is enjoyable, but I feel as though these points in American history are talked out to the point where one has to wonder,"What else is there?"Quite a bit, actually, as Vowell explores different locations significant in three presidential assassinations. She punctuates these essays with little anecdotes about her sister and nephew, who were dragged along on this wild ride. Interesting American history punctuated by funny personal stories? Yes, please.
A little warning about Tampa by Alissa Nutting: the paperback cover is a little...wow, and the book itself is very explicit. You are inside the mind of a hot young female teacher, set on seducing one of her young, thirteen year old students. It's insane. It's clear, though, that from her thought process, she knows what she is doing is wrong, but makes it clear that this isn't something that will go away. This sexual predator behavior is an illness. This character makes that very clear. The urges will keep coming back unless she does something to sate them. Even then, though, they'll come back again and again. How does one fix this psychologically? If you can get past the initial discomfort, on a psychological level, this book is very fascinating.

I've had this in my drafts for the last few days. I thought I'd post what I have now, finish up the rest of my reviews to add on to my April round-up. Writing short reviews is very difficult when I have so much to say about each book.

on the shelf : lost girls

I have a lot of books to still write up, but I just finished this one and it's stuck in my head. I need to get it out. Lost Girls: An Unsolved American Mystery by Robert Kolker is a true crime book about the Long Island Serial Killer. Actually, no, let me rephrase that. It is about the women that were victimized by this killer. I know the story of the supposed Long Island serial killer fairly well. I wasn't going to read this book. Matt was actually the one who wanted to read it, but I ended up picking it up instead. However, this book was different than the tv shows that have told the story of the discovery of bodies along a stretch of highway.
Whenever I start a book lately, I've gotten into the habit of reading the 1 star reviews because these are people who completely miss the point of the book or haven't read it and just give their half-cocked conspiracy theories. People wanted more of the police investigation and not a lot about the women, but if you just read the title, it's not about the police investigation. Read the description- that is not what Robert Kolker was trying to do. His intent was to make these women more than their profession and I believe that he did an excellent job at that. It's unfortunate that this case is still unsolved, but the women aren't just prostitutes or sex workers. They were daughters, sisters, mothers. They are forever lost and the pain is real for their families. Society tends to write off these women because of how they earned a living, but they're more than that. Kolker wanted to make that clear. (3.5/5)

on the shelf: my 2013 challenge so far

It has been four months (yikes!) since I have done a book post. It is certainly not for lack of trying. My book review notebook was MIA for about a month until I found it under my bed last week. I was very happy because I had a lot of reviews in it and quotes that I need in order to do these posts. I'm going to try to do a handful of books each week (I've complete 28 of my 35 book goal this year; 8 ahead of schedule, BOOYAH!) with briefer, less structured reviews than I've done previously. Who knows? Maybe I'll enjoy this format even more. I'm always changing, evolving, and dammit, so should my blog!

Age of Miracles Karen Thompson Walker: Told from the perspective of 12 year old, Julia, she chronicles what happens when the earth's rotation begins to slow. Not only is the length of days changed, but people's personalities begin to change as well. Julia's pre-teen mind is forced to process things she shouldn't have to at such a young age. Quick, engaging, and a real thinking book. Would you stick with the way clocks work in a 24 hour period or would you be a Real-Timer (awake when the sun is out, asleep when it's dark)? (4/5)

Open Heart Elie Wiesel: I'll admit it- I'm a total fangirl when it comes to Elie Wiesel's work. I read Night four times my junior year of high school. His experience during the Holocaust has most certainly changed how Wiesel deals with life and death. He faces emergency heart surgery and revisits his experience during WWII, as well as his life leading up to his surgery. Here are a few quotes that really resonated with me: At the time of the liberation of the camps, I remember, we were convinced that after Auschwitz there would be no more wars, no more racism, no more hatred, no more anti-Semitism. We were wrong. This produced a feeling close to despair. For if Auschwitz could not cure mankind of racism, was there any chance of success ever? The fact is, the world has learned nothing. Otherwise, how is one to comprehend atrocities committed in Cambodia, Rwanda, Bosnia...? | A broken friendship results in deep sadness, deeper even than what we may feel at the end of love. (4/5)

The Dinner Herman Koch: As readers, we have a tendency to grow used to the hero-narrative- we root for the good guys in the book because that's what you're supposed to do, right? This book gives you no good guy to root for. Other's who read the book had a hard time liking the book because they didn't like the characters. The author does such a good job creating such hateful people that my co-workers forgot about the rest of the book. It's a really quick read. It's very good. Don't let the lack of a good guy to root for turn you away. This is a very well written book. (5/5)

Play It As It Lays Joan Didion: The chapters of this novel are like vignettes that could easily stand alone, but are put together to show Maria's full collapse in the end. I pitied her and her inability to overcome her insecurities. It did not seem as though anyone around her was emotionally equipped to save her. Surprisingly, Didion's fiction is not all that different than her essays. She has a strong voice that truly resonates. (3/5)

on the shelf: dear life

Dear Life by Alice Munro
ISBN-13: 9780307596888

Synopsis: "Alice Munro’s peerless ability to give us the essence of a life in often brief but always spacious and timeless stories is once again everywhere apparent in this brilliant new collection. In story after story, she illumines the moment a life is forever altered by a chance encounter or an action not taken, or by a simple twist of fate that turns a person out of his or her accustomed path and into a new way of being or thinking. A poet, finding herself in alien territory at her first literary party, is rescued by a seasoned newspaper columnist, and is soon hurtling across the continent, young child in tow, toward a hoped-for but completely unplanned meeting. A young soldier, returning to his fiancée from the Second World War, steps off the train before his stop and onto the farm of another woman, beginning a life on the move. A wealthy young woman having an affair with the married lawyer hired by her father to handle his estate comes up with a surprising way to deal with the blackmailer who finds them out."
Review: This is the first time I have read anything by Alice Munro. I'd heard good things about Runway, which I will review in the future, but I wanted to read her latest. Alice Munro literally reaches into your chest and pulls your heart out. That is how power she is at storytelling. I was hooked from the very beginning. I was in awe at how much of a story she could tell in as little as thirty pages. It's hard to describe the way she writes, except that it is very straight forward. The words aren't necessarily the most sophisticated, but the way she utilizes common vocabulary to weave an intricate web of a story is something unique that I have never before read. She has quickly become a favorite author after reading this and Runaway. I purchased Vintage Munro and am waiting for Selected Stories to come in (just ordered it yesterday). If one book of short stories can influence me in such a way as to declare her one of my favorite authors, than this is a powerful read. Read it and have your heart ripped out, too!

regaining footing

I feel as if I make sweeping declarations, I fail immediately. It's like on How I Met Your Mother, Jason Segel's character, Marshall, will make a sweeping declaration to never drink again and 24 hours later, he will be wasted. I took an unexpected break and have decided to try to at least do book reviews/updates. I have read four books this year. For me, this is a huge feat. I barely completed my goal of 40 books in 2012. I think whatever I complete will be something to be proud of at the end of 2013.
I have been working in a craft sketchbook that has become my catch-all for drawings, lists, quotes, etc. Here is what I have been working on:

the cover // up-do doodle that I like // her hair is filled with circles // a quote from Black & White magazine about Mary Ellen Mark // the last lines of The Great Gatsby // book wishlist // completed books of 2013 // a doodle I started this morning

HONY - Humans of New York

I had other posts lined up for today, but I was so distracted by this new discovery of mine that I had to share. I also have not done an inspiration post in a while so here we go:

I discovered Humans of New York (HONY) this afternoon while I was tumbling around on tumblr. I think one of his photos of Hurricane Sandy's aftermath was in the radar and I clicked to look further into this blog. This was around 12...it is now almost 3:30 and I'm still scrolling through this blog. Why? Not only do the photographs draw you in, but the captions and questions that he asks his subjects have also pulled me in. They show the kind and warm hearted spirits that reside in this hard, rough-n-tumble city. People have this misconception that all New Yorkers are rude a-holes, but that is so not true. My abuela still lives in Harlem and when I can afford it, I'll usually visit her for a week during the summer. The last time I was there, this adorable old couple asked me for directions. Heh, I was like,"Well, I'm also not from here, but we can look at my map and figure out where you're going!" I also bought a bottle of water from a newsstand for $1.50. $1.50! In NYC! Ok, sorry, but that was a shock to my system and I gratefully chugged the water in the middle of the heat wave.

I love the way that Brandon captures quite literally, the humanity and compassion that still resides in the world today. In a world where everyone is a cynic and we're all going to hell in a handbasket, it's nice to stop and take a look at the simple/beautiful things. Brandon explains his reasons for beginning the blog here and how it transformed into something more than what he expected. I admire his ability as a portraitist, as well as a street photographer. I am grateful he has decided to share what he sees with the world as he has now inspired me a great deal. Thank you, Brandon!

All photo credit goes to Humans of New York.